| Dear Carolyn: My father-in-law is in a rehab facility recovering from surgery. He’s not adjusting well. I’ve been encouraging our twin sons, 21, to visit their grandfather, even mapping out the bus route for them from their university, but so far they’ve only gone with us right after his surgery. This week, my husband told me his dad is still depressed, so I said he should take our boys to visit. To my surprise, he said he’d texted our daughter about it several times and was disappointed she “blew him off.” My daughter doesn’t have much of a relationship with her grandfather because he was never interested in her. My father-in-law was overjoyed when we had the twins, even thanking my husband for *finally* giving him grandsons. My husband and his brother defended their father, saying he’d only had boys and couldn’t relate to girls. Over the years, he took the boys on frequent outings but never our daughter or our niece. My mother-in-law made up for it when she was alive, but after her death, I actually had to tell my father-in-law that he couldn’t just give birthday and Christmas gifts to the boys; it was either all or none. When I asked my husband why he expected our daughter to visit his dad but not our sons, he got defensive, said she was three years older and has a car. When I reminded him she works long hours over an hour away from the facility, he said that “girls are just better at this kind of thing.” I was shocked to hear such sexism from my husband. I called him on it, and he said he couldn’t believe I was piling on when he’s so upset about his dad. I dropped it after he promised to stop bugging our daughter, but I feel like we need to revisit this in the future. Am I right, or should I chalk it all up to stress? — Shocked |
