| Dear Carolyn: Although my fiancé is an only child, he is part of a large, extended family. This family has traditions for everything — Easter, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Fourth of July, Super Bowl — down to which plates can be used, how the table can be set, the food allowed, etc. As an only child, he feels immense pressure to please his mom and do all the things. I’ve initiated conversations about how we’ll spend holidays once we’re married or have kids — establishing some of our own traditions. My fiancé just looks like a deer in headlights, horrified at the prospect of upsetting the applecart. I genuinely like his family, but I like my parents and siblings, too. I want us to find a way to celebrate with both sides — not all at once, obviously. But, oh, I should add that his mother doesn’t believe in unmarried couples spending holidays with his side, so we’ve had no holiday tryouts yet. Fiancé says we’ll figure it out once the time comes, but we are getting married in September, and, uh, Thanksgiving comes pretty quick after that. Am I right to be concerned, or am I blowing this up? — Weighted Down |
